BETWEEN THE LINES

The goal for February was to complete the novel I started in December 2008 and submit it to the Amazon Breakout Novel Award Contest in the first week of February.  I made it down to the wire at 82K words (in about 2 months.. a record for me) and proceeded to pitch the book at a couple of writers conferences this past month.

I'm glad to say that the response to the pitches so far have been positive, though it may take a while to find a truly enthusiastic editor or agent.  In themeanwhile, I'll work on my next draft of the book.  I have a good feeling about it, though, and believe this might be the year!  :)

Merry Christmas to all.  Hope you all find joy, whatever holiday you celebrate (or not).

I'm resolving in the New Year to be more grateful and to finish my current novel by Feb.  I have exactly 40 days and I'm only about 26K in.  But I've got some time on my hands, so I think I can do it.

Hit a bit of a snag yesterday when what first started as a bad stomach ache quickly devolved into severe abdominal cramps.  My wife rushed me to the ER and sure enough I had kidney stones.  Three of them! 

I remember going into the MRI with the proudly emblazoned PHILLIPS sign atop.  A recorded female voice evocative of HAL2000 (female version) said, "BREATHE AND HOLD YOUR BREATH."  Like a sheep, I obeyed, wondering when it was okay to exhale.  Finally, HAL(ley) said, "BREATHE."  Which I thought was rather vague, being the concrete person I am when it comes to instructions.  Didn't I just breathe?  Shouldn't it have said exhale?   I figured that's what it meant.

Thankfully, the MRI attendant gave me a nice heated blanket.  Did I mention that hospital gowns are kinda drafty in December, when they still run the A/C in San Diego?

Anyway, I was told by the nurse that women have reported pain from kidney stones to be as bad, if not worse than childbirth.  I have a even Newer respect for mothers now.  I've never heard myself groan and wail like a child since... well, not even as a child.  Thank God for the drugs (Morphine, etc.)  If there's ever a question of whether a mom delivering a child should take and epidural, I'd have to say, "DO IT!  SAVE YOURSELF!*"  (I disclaim any medical advice given here, as I'm not THAT kind of a doctor).

The result was that I have three kidney stones.  The one in the process of killing me... er, passing, is about 3-4mm.  The other two are about 2-3mm, one in each kidney.  By the time they had prescribed my drugs, I was feeling a lot better. 

Until I stood up.

I can make it, I told my wife, who had patiently sat in the ER room with me for upwards of six hours.   But as soon as I took a step to the door, I had to turn and visit the porcelain throne and make a deposit.  Felt more like a withdrawal with an overdraft and exorbitant fees.

Thank God for the drugs, for the killed the pain.  But it came at a price of extreme nausea.  The nurse said I'm probably not used to taking narcotics (gee, ya think?).

So I'm at home now, feeling okay as long as I don't eat or move around too much.  I'm thankful that I didn't need surgery, which would have been a real pain.  And I'm glad that the Ibuprofen seems to work without making me toss my fortune cookies (wish the same could be said of the Vicodin, which I'm sure I'll need when Stone#2 and Stone#3 decide to come out.)

Mrs. Exculpatory has been pampering me, the kids are incredibly sweet bringing me food and drink, making get well cards and presents, offering to pray for me, and read stories to me.  I feel a bit embarrassed at all the attention, and feel bad for not being able to help out around the house.  But I am so blessed by my family.

Now, I just want those darn stones out of me (might not be so enthusiastic when they make their final pass, though [yeow!] we'll see.)

I'm going to try and work on my book now.

Everyone have a great time this Christmas.  May you find love, joy and peace, and spend good quality time with those you love.

Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

September 5, 2008 | Issue 44•36

"I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said Darlene Freiberg, one among a growing crowd assembled here to see the mysterious stain, which appeared last Monday on one side of the Rhea County Courthouse. The building was also the location of the famed "Scopes Monkey Trial" and is widely considered one of Darwinism's holiest sites. "Forgive me, O Charles, for ever doubting your Divine Evolution. After seeing this miracle of limestone pigmentation with my own eyes, my faith in empirical reasoning will never again be tested."

Added Freiberg, "Behold the power and glory of the scientific method!"

Since witnesses first reported the unexplained marking—which appears to resemble a 19th-century male figure with a high forehead and large beard—this normally quiet town has become a hotbed of biological zealotry. Thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Berkeley's paleoanthropology department have flocked to the site to lay wreaths of flowers, light devotional candles, read aloud from Darwin's works, and otherwise pay homage to the mysterious blue-green stain.

Capitalizing on the influx of empirical believers, street vendors have sprung up across Dayton, selling evolutionary relics and artwork to the thousands of pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the image. Available for sale are everything from small wooden shards alleged to be fragments of the "One True Beagle"—the research vessel on which Darwin made his legendary voyage to the Galapagos Islands—to lecture notes purportedly touched by English evolutionist Alfred Russel Wallace.

"I have never felt closer to Darwin's ideas," said zoologist Fred Granger, who waited in line for 16 hours to view the stain. "May his name be praised and his theories on natural selection echo in all the halls of naturalistic observation forever."

Despite the enthusiasm the so-called "Darwin Smudge" has generated among the evolutionary faithful, disagreement remains as to its origin. Some believe the image is actually closer to the visage of Stephen Jay Gould, longtime columnist for Natural History magazine and originator of the theory of punctuated equilibrium, and is therefore proof of rapid cladogenesis. A smaller minority contend it is the face of Carl Sagan, and should be viewed as a warning to those nonbelievers who have not yet seen his hit PBS series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage.

Still others have attempted to discredit the miracle entirely, claiming that there are several alternate explanations for the appearance of the unexplained discoloration.

"It's a stain on a wall, and nothing more," said the Rev. Clement McCoy, a professor at Oral Roberts University and prominent opponent of evolutionary theory. "Anything else is the delusional fantasy of a fanatical evolutionist mindset that sees only what it wishes to see in the hopes of validating a baseless, illogical belief system. I only hope these heretics see the error of their ways before our Most Powerful God smites them all in His vengeance."

But those who have made the long journey to Dayton remain steadfast in their belief that natural selection—a process by which certain genes are favored over others less conducive to survival—is the one and only creator of life as we know it. This stain, they claim, is the proof they have been waiting for.

"To those who would deny that genetic drift is responsible for a branching evolutionary tree of increasing biodiversity amid changing ecosystems, we say, 'Look upon the face of Darwin!'" said Jeanette Cosgrove, who, along with members of her microbiology class, has maintained a candlelight vigil at the site for the past 72 hours.

"Over millions of successive generations, a specific subvariant of one species of slime mold adapted to this particular concrete wall, in order to one day form this stain, and thus make manifest this vision of Darwin's glorious countenance," Cosgrove said, overcome with emotion.

"It's a miracle," she added.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/evolutionists_flock_to_darwin

 

No, I'm still going to be around here on LJ.  I today was my last day at my day job, where I've worked for the past nine years.  It's bittersweet, but I know I'm moving on to better things.

Here's the goodbye email I sent.

---

Because I have a tendency towards verbosity, I will keep this brief (though such a preface doesn’t forebode well, does it?)

When I first began working at this comppany 9 years ago, I could not help but tell everyone I knew what a great place it was to work. The positive attitudes, can-do approach to everything and general enthusiasm were more than contagious. To this day, I still believe it was the best place I’ve ever worked.

I’ve seen lots of good people come and go and have enjoyed working with just about everyone here. Deskside Support and Workstation Engineering teams that I’ve worked closely with have been top notch and professional.

So, I’d like to echo a couple of things said by my colleagues who have already said goodbye. Please be supportive of the poor Dell reps who in each location must single-handedly take over our responsibilities. And take a moment to consider how much our Helpdesk call center has grown and improved since their inception. I have faith that they will rise to the new challenges.

In parting, I’d like to leave you with 10 things I’ve picked up (not in any particular importance.)

1. Change can be a good thing, even if it is unpleasant.
2. There is nothing new under the sun (this too shall pass)
3. The more you step on a bug, the flatter it gets. (I love cats to much to use the traditional platitude)
4. Two words: Data Armor
5. Tolerance is for ALL people, even those you think are intolerant.
6. When life gives you lemons, squirt it back in its eye. Then smile mischievously and make lemonade.
7. If there really is no absolutely absolute truth, then there is.
8. Computers don’t hurt people, people hurt people (and computers.)
9. Do the right thing, no matter how it feels (you’ll be glad you did.)
10. True friends don’t let trivial things such as time and space stop them from being.

Thanks

This company can help you change your career path! Executive Communications Consultants will help you speak up and get the respect you deserve! Click to view the presentation.

This was a fun movie for tech, sf geeks and kids alike. Lots of cute references to 2001 Space Odysee. HAL, the Monolith when the Obese Generation ship Captain stands erect for the first time ever, etc.

Here's the autopilot







Here's HAL

Pardon the language, but this is hilarious. Those who have taken theory and music history courses will find it even funnier.

This is really cool

To further prove the point that you can't take take all feedback too seriously, I thought I'd share something interesting.

Between the time when I first started pitching my book BEYOND JUSTICE and now, I've gotten a wide range of feedback.  From writers, readers, editors and agents.  This book has always garnered polarized opinions.  Either they liked it a lot or they really didn't like it.  Well, some in the middle probably didn't say anything to me.

Here's something interesting though, that proves just how subjective people can be.

The first agent (from a reputable agency in NYC) I queried asked for a partial (sample chaters) and a synopsis.  She later sent me a rejection letter that said:
Though I really like your writing, I'm not in love with the story.  

Just yesterday, I got another rejection from  a different big name agent.  And he said:
The idea has merit, but the writing is still a ways away.


Two very different agents with opinions which seem to contradict eachother.  And that's just one example.  Recently someone tried to advise me to collect feedback from different agents and editors' rejections and make changes to my book accordingly.  I balked at that idea for this very reason.  Can you imagine how insane one would get if they tried to bend to every opinion?

In the end, you have to really believe in your product. Sure, consider feedback, but also remember how subjective it is.  In the end, it's YOUR book.  You have to decide what you want it to be.  Then you just have to find the right publisher who is as enthusiastic about your book as you are.

In some ways, I'm glad to have these rejection comments negate each other.  It makes me put less stock into the opionions of others and forces me to really know my own work.

A few hours after the nice rejection letter from one of the editors I queried, I get another email from an editor at a major publisher that said:

Your premise is intriguing.  Could you isend me a full manuscript?  Email would be fine.

Yay!

I gotta tell you all that I have been praying for this book to be pubished.  All my friends who pray are doing that as well.  On top of that, I've decided to query agressively with an attitude I didn't think I could muster:  That I have a great product to sell and any editor would benefit from making it their product as well.  And doing the research to find the right editors, emailing directly to them with confidence in my letter.  All this, I'm sure is helping. 

Not getting my hopes up too high, but I'm feeling good about all this.  I know it's in God's hands and He will provide the perfect publisher and agent, as I've dedicated this book and all books I'm writing to my mission of spreading the good news of hope and grace.

So far, I have:

2 Partials (100 pages) out to 2 agents
1 Partial (50 pages) out to one agent
1 Full MS out to one Editor

Before the long weekend, I emailed 8 editors and 1 agent for my book BEYOND JUSTICE. I found a way to describe a plot element in my book by comparing it to Stephen King's THE DEAD ZONE. Over the weekened, the 1 agent replied with a nice rejection (no biggie). But this morning an editor sent me this nice, personalized rejection:

Paul-

Thanks for thinking of me with this, The Dead Zone is actually a personal favorite and aspects of your pitch are certainly compelling. That said, per the sample chapter, you make a good start, but not exactly what I’m looking for in a thriller. Best of luck and feel free to query me again in the future.

Best,
John

Okay, call me weird to be excited by a rejection letter but two things that I liked about this. 

1. The editor replied almost immediately and told me things he liked about my query. I was wondering if comparing my work to Stephen King's was a good idea. Turns out it was in this case. 

2. He's invited me to query him again in the future. I will this week. But now I have a personal basis for contacting him again. And it's in email, so if I reply to his email, he will automatically be reminded about the legitimacy of my contacting him directly. 

Lesson learned: Had I sent him a snail mail query, as I have my first few queries back in February, I may never have heard back from him because: a) his assistant never gave it to him from the slush pile, b) my query got lost in his own slush pile.I might have just gotten a form letter from his assistant. 

But with email, it's so easy for him to read all my materials and click reply to send me a personalized response. This entire process is trial and error for me. I firmly believe that even if I make mistakes,unless they are particularly egregious, insulting or whatever, no editor is going to remember.  They might remember things they liked about my query, or that I stood out from the slush pile by daring to go straight to them.

I'm already preparing to send this agent another query for my 2nd novel HUMAN RESOURCES. I like the fact that I can remind him that he invited me to send him another query.

 

Only because of my limited amount of time have I queried 9 editors and one agent today.  All by email.
Got one quick rejection (wrong type of book for that publisher, oh well.  Keep going)

Next time you watch a movie, watch for the non-verbal actions the actors do.  A really good actor won't just say her lines and stand there.  And believe me, nothing a great actor does is without purpose.

Watch his facial queues, what's he doing with his hands, what's his posture, what tone of voice, is he fidgeting, is he stuttering?

All these things enhance and bring verisimilitude to the scene/dialogue.

A question actors will often ask of their directors is:  What's my motivation?

Let's say a character is talking to his dad.

Billy:  Hey Dad.  How are you?
Dad: Good, you look taller.
Billy: I'm sitting.  Besides, you say that every time you see  me.
Dad:  Maybe if I saw you more often I wouldn't notice as much.
Billy:  Yeah, well, we know who to thank for that.

Actor playing Billy says to Martin Scorcese, "what's my motivation?"

I'll do one.  Then write out in prose how it affects the scene and actions.  Feel free to send me another motivation and I'll try to create a different scene based on it.

Scorcese:  Okay, Billy.  You're Dad's in prison for murdering your mom.  You hated your mom.  She abused you.  You were only sorry Dad got caught.  Deep down you blame your mom for everything.

Action!

Billy sat at the plate glass marveling at how close he could actually sit to Dad, and not even touch his hand.  He shifted around in his chair.  What's taking him so long?  Did he forget?  Dad finally arrived.  Looked like Hell.  Did he get beaten by prison guards?
"Hey Dad, how are you?"
"Good.  You look taller."
Billy smirked.  "I'm sitting.  Besides, you say that every time you see me."
"Maybe if I saw you more often I wouldn't notice as much."  The trip from Owensville to the State Pen. took two hours.  If only Dad hadn't gotten caught.  That witch deserved to go.  After all she'd done.  it was her fault he was locked up.  Locked up for saving him.  Billy sighed and gave Dad poignant smile.  "Yeah, well, we know who to thank for that."

Now, let's say the motivation is different.
Scorcese:  OK,  Billy.  You have to visit your dad in order to find out why he murdered  your mom.  It's part of his closure process according to his shrink and he won't sign off on your probation until you've completed his treatment.  But you can't abide even looking at the bastard who killed your mother.

Action!

Billy paced around before the plate glass hating the fact that his shrink advised him to come here.  This was sick.  But getting Dr. Crane to sign off on his papers was the only way he'd finish his probation, so whatever.  Finally, Dad arrived and sat behind the protective barrier.
"Hey Dad, how are you?"  Billy barely made eye contact as he sat.
"Good.  You look taller." 
Billy flipped him the bird.   "I'm sitting.  Besides, you say that every time you see me."  He glared at the  clock.  Five minutes.  That's all he needed to do.  Then he was outta there.  Never coming back to see that bastard again, until the day they strapped him down and pumped him up full of lethal drugs.
"Maybe if I saw you more often I wouldn't notice as much,"  Dad said.
 Billy slammed the plate glass with his hands.  Snarling, he bolted up, his chair flew back and hit the wall.   No way he was going to allow the man who murdered his mother turn the tables of blame on him.  '"Yeah, well, we know who to thank for that!"

If you have any other motivations, send them along.  I'll try my best to create a different scene with the same dialogue.

So I decided to enter an Agent's Blog contest, best dialogue in 250 words here:
http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2008/05/preposterously-magnificent-dialogue.html

The question arose to what makes good dialogue.  For me, here are some thoughts:

BAD DIALOGUE:

As you know Bob-ism
"As you know, Phil, I was born in 1975 to a family of Menonites and in 1977 we all converted to Islam..."

Long drawn out speeches, arias
Think of the pages and pages of discourse in THE DAVINCI CODE

Talking heads
"Hi Bob."
"Hi Phil."
"Do you think contests are worth entering, Bob?" said Phil.
"I don't know, what do you think?"
"I don't know, maybe."
"That's cool."
"Yeah.  Later, dude."

A most unreliable method of talking head prevention.  AKA Dialogus Interuptus

"What are you doing here?" Doug exclaimed, passing his hand through his wavy, chestnut hair.
"I was about to ask you the same thing."  Jane pulled her sweater, which was a size too small down to cover her midrift.
"You here for the party?"  Doug always wondered if it was poor form to come too early.
"Well, no," Jane said, trying to look as if she had a better excuse to show up, other than to see Doug.

ARG!  I hate that kind of dialogue.  Now, sometimes you can't avoid the stage direction.  But my problem with it is when every single line of dialogue is followed by a stage direction in the same repetitive pattern.  Repetition should only be done deliberately and for a specific desired effect.

Good dialogue consists of conflict, tension.  A scene with people talking about things they both know, but say for the reader's sake, or all agreeing on the topic is boring and serves no purpose.  

Good dialogue 
Doesn't explain everything, but makes the reader want to know more.  
Makes the reader push to the next sentence, and the next, and so on.
Carries subtext
Doesn't happen in a vaccuum, unless it's on the phone, and even then, the characters should be doing something or dealing with something.
Even if its purpose is to convey information, there should be some conflict, or a distraction happening at the same time.

At the risk of extreme hubris, I am posting a scene from my current book ONCE WE WERE KINGS.  I'm quite proud of the dialogue here but I know I'm sticking my neck out for criticism.


ONCE WE WERE KINGS
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Gossamer veils draped down from the high vaulted ceiling enshrouding High King Corigan's bed in royal crimson. All torches had been long extinguished. All, save for the one above, which filled with a rose coloured hue the area around his immense bed.

There, Corigan sat up, cross-legged, back against the padded head board. The train of his abandoned robe dangled to the ground. Before him, rested a wooden table just tall enough to reach his lap. Atop the table sat his goblet, filled and drained more times than he bothered recalling with Fire Orchid Wine, an exotic gift from the Eastern Empire.

So I did  another agent blitz.  This time to seven different agents in the same house (Trident Media Group).  They have some A-list clients and big agents.  I also sent a query to an editor at Berkley.

So the stats are now:

37 queries out
3 requested partials from agents
11 rejections (I forgot last time to list the editor rejection for my full manuscript)

The research takes a lot of time and energy.  But as you can see, I'm only about 50% to the 75 query mark that Dean Koontz hit before selling his first novel.  I'll keep plugging along.  Next wave is an editor/publisher blitz!

Over the weekend I got two more rejections via email.  Both were very kind and intimated that my book was really good, but they have too many clients on their list now.  Might just be a nice excuse, but I have a feeling they were sincere, based on the words they chose in their response.

But the good news is that I got another request for sample chapters and proposal from another agent.  That brings me to a total of three agents who have requested partials for my novel BEYOND JUSTICE.  One of them, I really hope signs on to represent my book.

Must keep trying.  

stats to date:
30 queries out. 
10 rejected
3 requested (3 chapters-100 pages)

Every writer dreams of doing this.

This is a message from my friend Luke Chen, pastor of CBC, regarding the recent tragedies in Burma and China.  There are never any easy answers for how a good God could allow these things to happen, but  Luke provides some excellent and challenging insights.

Thoughts and prayers for those suffering are needed.  But so is practical help.  Please consider making donations and/or volunteering whenever disaster strikes